How To Kill Your Printer
Before you take your ailing printer to the back yard for some target practice you should read this article titled, "How To Troubleshoot
Printer Problems".
http://www.duxcw.com/digest/Howto/troubleshoot/print/index.html
If your system becomes sluggish when printing a document you probably need more RAM. Most printers don't have a lot of internal
memory and tend to spool from your system memory when the printers buffer fills up. This is especially true on large print jobs and heavily
pixelized photo printouts.
I've talked about setting your printer to draft mode to save money and ink but many of you will find it too cumbersome to switch back
and forth. Try installing another printer driver. Set one driver to photo mode and the other to draft mode. You can label them
differently like high-quality and money-saver. When you want to switch just
choose file, print and select the printer from the menu.
How To Kill Your Printer
by Barry Shultz
Are you tired of trying to convince your spouse that you need another printer? Tired of using the old sluggish ink hog that you got 10 years ago
as a hand-me-down from your cousin that only came to visit once just after you bought that new Beer Meister?
After you get through with your printer, with my expert guidance, your partner will probably agree that it's time for an upgrade. Just a few of my
tips will be all that you need. In some cases only one of these slick tips
will do the trick. You might get lucky. Let's get started.
If your printer is near a wall you're in luck. Sit on your chair directly in front
of your printer and put both hands firmly on the front of the printer. Now
while issuing a blood curdling Bruce Lee scream thrust your arms forward while imagining that you are going to push your printer directly through
the wall and landing on your German marble tiled patio floor outside.
Ok, if that doesn't work try unplugging the printers connection to the computer. If you are using a parallel connection that's better because the
cable is thicker than the new USB cables. Make sure the cable is still connected to the printer. Firmly hold the cable in both hands and face
away from your printer. Now step slightly to one side and make like you are Joe DiMaggio at bat. Believe you are hitting that ball and follow
through. If you're lucky your printer will go over the fence before the cable breaks. Be sure to let go of the cable when you follow through.
Here's one of my favorites. Remove all of your cartridges and punch a hole in them and quickly put them back in the printer. Now do fifty
back to back print head cleanings while pouring motor oil into the paper feed tray. It helps to remove the paper so the oil can get inside faster.
If you see smoke that's a bonus. It means you're doing it right.
This next trick involves the use of a ladder and a feather. A chair can be substituted if you don't have a ladder. Any feather will do. Stand on the ladder or chair and while the printer is on hold the feather in one hand
and the printer in the other hand. The law of gravity states that both the
feather and the printer should land on the ground at the same time providing that there is no friction from air currents or whatever. Now,
lets test Newton's law of gravity. Release the feather and the printer at the same time. Did they both land at the same time? It might take
a few times to get this one right. Practice this one a few times.
Here is one that you can do with your partner. Get a couple of screw-drivers. One person can remove every single screw in the printer
and the other person can put it back together. This is fun at parties.
Last but not least the most effective way to kill your printer and make absolutely sure it's a goner is let your kids play with it!
***
Till next time.
Happy printing
Barry Shultz
Atlascopy, Inc.
PO Box 1292
Dover, DE. 19904
http://atlascopy.com
You may freely distribute this article as long as you include the following at the end of the article with the URL hard linked exactly as it is on this web page.
Barry Shultz is the author of Atlascopy News, and President of Atlascopy,
Inc. Atlascopy specializes in
affordable alternatives to the high cost of printer supplies. Sign up for
the Atlascopy Newsletter and get 10% coupons every week in your email. http://atlascopy.com/signup_new.htm
Go to Atlascopy to save a bundle on your printer and refilling supplies.
http://atlascopy.com
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